来自大卫·瑞雷先生的《2121》系列占星科幻小说，以下是全英文的版本。阅读中文版请移步：2121丨第一章
Xingjia looked-out over the nightscape of Beijing and sighed. She had just responded to Bei’s text. He was having dinner with his “brother and his brother’s wife.” She could only shake her head. He would “stop-by afterwards, if that was okay?” She had said “yes.”
She stared at her phone, feeling guilty.
For several days, she had been ignoring calls from her mom, only replying to her Mom’s texts very briefly. She knew her mom was eager to find out about her companion. She was also keenly aware that both parents had opposed her decision. When Xingjia had first broached the subject with them, she had never seen her father so angry and outraged. He had screamed at her, “What is wrong with you! You want a machine as a husband! Will he give us grandbaby robots!” Xingjia could not help but laugh when he said this, which didn’t help the situation at all. Her father had stormed off to the bedroom and slammed the door. Since then he had refused to even discuss this subject with her or her mother again.
Her mother’s objections were more deeply reasoned and insightful. She knew how to get to Xingjia. “You think that if you own someone, you can control them. Then they would never leave you. They could never leave you.” She had asked her poignantly, “Didn’t you learn in therapy to face your fears of abandonment?” She knew her mother was right, but not entirely right. “Mom, you don’t understand,” she had countered. “I’ve seen other women, and men too, find happiness and fulfillment with companions. All of my training and experience tells me that this is an option worth pursuing!” She remembered her mother saying, “this is my fault.” “What are talking about mom?” Xingjia had asked. “This is my decision; I take full responsibility for this.”
Her Mom had grown silent, distant. “Why choose someone so different…” Her mother’s voice had trailed off. “There are things you don’t understand, darling.” Her mother had said, sounding mysterious.
“What are talking about Mom?” What kind of things.”
“Things, that you won’t really understand… until you’re older,” her mother had replied matter of factly.
“But Mom, I’m thirty-two. I’m not a little girl anymore,” Xingjia reminded her, feeling temporarily confused by her mother’s demeanor. She remembered her mother seeming strangely vulnerable, and she had asked her “Mom, what is it you think I couldn’t understand?”
At that point, her mom had switched tactics, and began probing her again about her therapy and years of counseling, in college and afterwards. Her mother seemed to be looking for any angle to dissuade her. “Just keep your options open darling,” her Mom had finally said, “that’s all I’m trying to say. The right man can come along when you least expect it.”
“Is that what happened with you and Dad?” Xingjia had asked her.
Her mom had thought about it before answering, “Let’s just say that sometimes love happens when you’re not even looking for it,” she had said.
Xingjia had replayed their conversation in her mind for weeks afterwards, especially her mother’s insistent inquiry into her years of counseling and therapy. She knew that her mother did not mean to be so invasive, but in fact she had felt interrogated by her mom. It had taken her a while to get over feeling angry about this. Her mother knew that therapeutic sessions were a strictly private matter, only to be divulged when a person feels truly comfortable and secure with doing so. Xingjia didn’t like feeling manipulated, even though she loved her mom dearly.
Counseling and therapy had by 2121 become commonplace in China. Once considered primarily a western practice, psychology and therapy had gradually taken root a hundred years previously. Like so many things in China, once the practical value of counseling and therapy was understood, it grew very fast. Awareness regarding mental health and emotional well-being had transformed Chinese society. With confidence in economic security no longer questioned, material rewards had lost much of their luster. The Chinese psychologist, Dr. Lu Mei (2010 – 2085) had famously written “what good is success if you cannot feel it.” Dr. Lu had headed a national team of prominent psychologists between 2060 and 2065, establishing the LFR or Life Fulfillment Ratio that was now a standard measure of psychological well-being. Counselors and psychologists worked in all levels of society, pre-school, elementary school, middle school, high school, and college–along with marriage counselors, career counselors, HR counselors, abuse counselors, addiction counselors, trauma counselors and bereavement counselors. By 2100 the PRC National Commission on Health reported that there was a counselor of some kind for every 430 people in China, nearly equal to that of medical doctors who numbered 1 for every 460 people.
Astrology and Astropsychology had grown with this trend as well, professional astrologers representing 14% of the total number of practicing counselors listed in 2100. Astrologers had gradually gained a begrudging respect from the therapeutic community, though there was still a highly critical and very vocal opposition from some. It would take the work of Dr. Chen Wu Chen to awaken a higher level of appreciation for astrology as an ideal holistic model. With the advent of companions, Astropsychology had become state-of-the-art in the evolution of psychology in academia and therapeutic practice.
Xingjia eyed her phone, sighed–and called her mom.
“I wondered when you’d finally get around to calling me,” her Mom stated straightaway.
Xingjia paused. “I’ve been… preoccupied.”
“Yes, I can only imagine,” her mom replied. “So, what’s he like?”
“Everything I ever wanted in a man…” Xingjia responded, surprising herself with her directness.
“So, you’ve already slept with him I suppose?” Her mom questioned dryly.
“Is that all you want to know?” Xingjia reacted.
“Well, I am a Scorpio,” her mom countered.
“Yes, with Aquarius Rising and an Aquarius Moon; so, I’m just sure you’d enjoy watching us make love wouldn’t you mom?”
“I’m not a voyeur, darling… That’s a potential I never actualized.”
“Really? I remember that time you caught me and Wei kissing. I saw you watching us for at least 10 seconds before you said anything.”
“I was just trying to figure out the right thing to say darling, that’s all.”
“You were staring mom.”
“That means you were watching me stare while you kept your tongue down his throat.”
“Yes. I wanted to shock you.”
Her mom laughed, and then said, “So, is that what you’re trying to do now, shock me?”
“I’m not eighteen Mom. This is my life.”
“So, you slept with him. How was it? Is he like a man?”
“Yes, only better. At least better than any man I ever slept with.”
Her mom sighed, “how sad.”
Xingjia felt her anger rising. “I don’t even wanna know what you mean by that.”
“You let go darling, that’s all. Because you felt you were in control, you gave yourself permission to let go, and so the sex was great. I get it.”
“Stop it mom! Stop with the intimacy, trust and sex–entry level 101. It’s much more complicated than that.”
“I think you want it to be complicated so you don’t have to see it for what it is.”
“The truth is mom, you don’t know what it is and neither do I. But I’m going to find out, okay? And there’s nothing you can say or do that’s going to change that.”
“Seems like a lot of money for an experiment darling?”
“It’s so much more than that…” Xingjia was beginning to wish she hadn’t called her mother at all. “Look, I know you’re against this. I know you were against this from the start. I just wish you would trust me enough to be supportive without judging me. Is that too much to ask?”
Her mother grew quiet.
“Mom? Are you still there?
Her mother broke the silence. “You’re right.”
Xingjia had rarely heard her mother say this.
“You’re right,” she repeated. “I want to be there for you. I really do. This is just hard. Your father won’t discuss it at all. He’s become mildly depressed. I suggested a therapist to him yesterday morning, but you can imagine how well that went over.”
“I wish I knew what I could do about that,” Xingjia said sadly.
“Please call me, that’s all. I wanna know how you’re doing. I won’t pry.”
“Oh mom, of course you will!”
“Okay, but I’ll drop the judgment. I’ll try.”
“I’ll call more, or at least text more,” Xingjia said. “I need to go.”
“Okay darling, go. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” Xingjia hung up the phone, and glanced at the time. She decided to take a shower.
Dinner was nearly over at Long and Quing’s apartment. Huang Bei sat next to Li Quing and across from his brother. Long had proven to be much more fascinating than Bei’s initial impression. Beneath his brother’s self-assured directness, Bei had discovered a penetrating mind and a wicked sense of humor.
“I know what’s worrying you brother,” Long said as he set his glass down. “You wonder if you really like this chick you’re with, or if you’re just made to like her.”
He had Bei’s full attention.
Li Quing intervened. “Don’t let him fool you. He only knows that because he had the same problem for a while when we first hooked-up.”
Bei became even more intrigued. “So, how did you figure it out, exactly?”
“It’s not a formula bro. There is no exact. It just took a little time.”
Quing laughed. “Time and some very intense counseling sessions.”
“And your sister. Don’t forget your sister,” Long stated.
Bei was very confused. He looked questioningly at them both.
Quing explained, “Yes, Mei - my sweet little sister. She took quite an interest in my new fella. When she found out her Venus was conjunct Long’s Mars, she couldn’t stop teasing him about it. One day she came over while I was out shopping and decided it would be fun to experiment with her older sister’s new guy.”
“I see,” Bei said, looking at his brother.
Long shrugged, “experiment doesn’t always have to have a negative connotation for us.”
“Anyway,” Quing went on, “when I came home there was my little sister in bed with Long, sitting on top of him like the little slut she’s always been.”
“I couldn’t exactly say no,” Long defended, half teasingly.
“Oh, stop it sweetie, I realize saying ‘no’ to people when it comes to their happiness is not easy for you companions, but the truth is you wanted to compare her to me. At least that’s what we found out in counseling.”
“That was about 51% of it,” Long said, grinning slightly as he shrugged.
“And it was that extra 1% that pissed me off!” Quing quipped, “along with my little sister’s habit of stealing my toys since childhood and flirting with every guy I every dated.”
Long leaned forward looking at Bei, “Don’t you just love being compared to a toy?”
“Stop it Long,” Quing scolded, teasingly slapping Long’s hand. “You know how I feel about you!”
“So…” Bei said, facing his brother, “how did you decide what… was…”
“Real?” Long said, finishing his statement for him. “How did I decide what was real, sweetie?” Long said smiling slyly at Quing.
“One night about a month later, he just turned to me and said, ‘Sweetie’ let’s have a child together.”
“It seemed totally natural,” Long said to Bei. “Just perfect, you know? Maybe, you don’t know? But I knew right then I wanted to have a family with Quing, and that I would love her forever.” Long reached across the table and held Quing’s hand, as they smiled and looked affectionately at each other.
“We had a lot of fun profiling the sperm donners, didn’t we sweetie?” Quing said.
“We looked at everyone from doctors to engineers, along with artists and musicians,” Long informed Bei, looking proud.
“We studied their astrological profiles too,” Quing added. “We wanted someone that would resonate with us. Someone that would always feel at home with us.”
“You know what this means, don’t you?” Long asked Bei.
“What?” Bei replied.
“That you’re going to be an uncle!” Long announced, putting his hand up for a high-five.
“Uncle Bei,” Quing said, I like the sound of that.
Bei couldn’t help but smile as he looked at his brother and his brother’s wife. He realized he was beginning to know more about what it meant to have family.
Xingjia’s heart jumped a bit when she heard the doorbell ring. Despite how she had felt earlier, she was eager and excited to see Bei again. As she opened the door she decided impulsively to greet him with a big kiss.
Bei responded passionately, as they both stood in the open doorway kissing deeply.
Xingjia finally closed the door behind them, looking mischievously at Bei.
Bei smiled at her; Xingjia’s playful mood was obvious to him and he wanted to please her, but he also felt like talking with her.
“I saw Dr. Chen,” he said.
“Oh,” Xingjia replied, moving his hair back from his forehead as she admired his face, “what’s it like to have a close relationship with one of the most famous and influential men in China?”
“I don’t think of it that way,” Bei said, “He’s the closest thing I have to a father, you know?”
“I know. You told me that this morning. Do you feel like you need to have a father?” She asked, sitting down on the sofa and patting the cushion for Bei to sit down next to her.
“That’s a very good question,” Bei replied, looking thoughtful as he sat down beside her. “I suppose I’ve been learning about what I need since I was awakened.”
“Awakened is such an interesting term isn’t it,” Xingjia stated, kissing his neck and noticing his faint cinnamon like scent again. “Maybe we’re both learning about what we need?” She said, putting her arms around him.
“Maybe,” Bei said, sounding pensive.
“What’s going on Bei?” Xingjia said, pulling away slightly as she looked at him curiously.
“I’m going to be an uncle.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“My brother Long, his wife is pregnant.”
“Oh! You met her, obviously…”
“Her name is Li Quing.”
“That’s nice. When is she due?”
“In about 3 months.”
“So, that must’ve been a shock,” Xingjia said, feeling more now like counselor she was trained to be, and wondering where this conversation was going.
“Yes, I was surprised. But, actually it turned out to be rather enjoyable.”
“What was enjoyable?”
“Just being there with them, hanging-out… it was good. Yeah, it was good. Like family, I suppose.”
“And you’re surprised by this family feeling?”
“Maybe…”
“Come on Bei, you’ve got the Sun in the 4th House. Family would naturally be important to you. You know that.”
“My brother has a Moon-Jupiter conjunction in Cancer right on the 5th House cusp.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, he was totally happy about their having a child. In fact, wanting to have a family with her was what made him stop doubting it seems…”
“What do you mean, stop doubting? What are you talking about?”
Bei grew silent for a moment.
“He slept with her sister.”
“What!?”
“She seduced him, I guess you’d say.”
“His wife’s sister?”
“Yeah. Her younger sister.”
“This is some family you’ve got.” Xingjia teased, though in fact she didn’t know what to think of what Bei was sharing with her.
“He told Quing in a therapy session that 51% of him thought it would be interesting to compare her with her sister.”
“What!?” Xingjia edged slightly away from Bei on the sofa. “That must’ve been some therapy session!”
“Yes.”
Xingjia felt her anxiety rising. “Are you saying that your brother slept with his girlfriend’s sister because he had doubts? Doubts about what? Doubts about his relationship with his girlfriend?” Xingjia sounded incredulous.
“Yes, to some extent,” Bei replied, sounding thoughtful. “It’s not that simple…”
Xingjia eyed Bei suspiciously. “Do you have doubts? Doubts about us?
“I have doubts about myself.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Xingjia asked, trying to control her anger.
“It’s not easy to explain,” Bei replied.
“Really? Why is that?”
“It’s not easy to explain because I don’t understand it fully myself.” Bei replied.
Xingjia moved completely away from Bei on the sofa.
“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.” She said.
“I feel your anxiety,” Bei said.
“Do you?” Xingjia replied unable to disguise her anger. “Do you also know that I’ve been in this exact place before in previous relationships?”
“I’m sorry,” Bei replied, “I’m just being honest. I have no desire to cause you pain. Maybe I should go?”
Xingjia looked incredulous and disappointed. She didn’t know what to think.
“I don’t want you to go,” she heard herself say.
“Okay. Then I’ll stay,” Bei said matter of factly.
“I made a journal entry today,” Xingjia announced.
“Oh? That’s great.” Bei said, sounding sincere.
“Maybe? If I had known then that you had doubts about me or our relationship I’m pretty sure my journal would’ve read a lot differently,” she said, looking disgusted. “Now all I’m thinking is that we’re gonna really need that first counseling session next week.”
“I didn’t say I had doubts about you and our relationship. I said I had doubts about myself.” Bei said.
“Well, what is that supposed to mean?” Xingjia asked, fighting her anger. “Do you know how many times I’ve heard that exact phrase? I’ve even used it myself!”
“Really?”
“Yes!” Xingjia’s anger was sizzling.
“I doubt it meant the same thing when you said it.” Bei stated.
“How could you know, Bei? How could you know what I meant? This was years before you even existed.”
“I know that people say things that sound good, to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings. When the truth is, they really don’t like the other person enough to go on with the relationship. Right?”
Xingjia was taken aback, but still on edge. “Yeah, sure… that’s right, sometimes–but not always.”
“Women do this more than men,” Bei went on, “but both sexes do it, because you’re a social species. Relationships matter, even when you’re looking for a mate. Which is why you’ll say, ‘we’ll still be friends.”
“Gee Bei, this sounds like social anthropology 101. What’s your point? Are you about to tell me you just want to be friends?” She said sarcastically.
Bei looked her in the eyes. “We could never just be friends, could we?”
Xingjia was shocked. “Why are you acting like this? Why are you being such an asshole? I didn’t invest…” She stopped herself abruptly.
“You were saying? Invest. You were going to say, ‘invest all that money for an asshole.’ Right?”
“Yes. I’m sorry. I’m angry Bei. I’m pissed off and hurt, and I think I need to be alone tonight now. You know, I didn’t want to be alone tonight. I wanted to be with you! I didn’t’ want you to leave today. I wanted you to stay with me, to want to be with me! This is our first weekend together, and you left me! You’re not supposed to wanna leave me, are you?”
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” Bei said very clearly. “Most of me wants to make you feel better right now. Most of me wants to stay beside you without question.”
“But, part of you doesn’t. Is that it?”
“Yes.”
“Well, until you can figure it out, why don’t you go to your dorm for now. This conversation has totally ruined my mood, not to mention my weekend, and who knows what else?”
Bei looked at her sympathetically.
“Stop looking at me like that. The last thing I need is pity from an android!”
“It’s not pity, and I’m not an android. I’m a companion.”
“Well, you’re not acting like it. Just go. Okay? Please.”
Bei stood up. His entire synthetic synaptic consciousness was in conflict. He wanted to stay. He wanted to go. She had told him to go. He would go.
Quietly she followed him to the door.
“I’ll text you in the morning.” Bei said, sounding awkward.
“Great,” she replied, despondently.
Bei opened the door, turning as he stood in the doorway.
“Just go,” she said. Then she stopped him. “Look, I know this is an adjustment period for us. I just didn’t expect this, at least not so soon.”
Bei nodded. “Yes, I’m… sure that’s true. You should’ve gotten a normal companion,” Bei smiled slightly.
“Nothing’s ever normal for me,” she replied. “Besides, I’m sure this is all happening for a reason.”
“Yes. I think so,” Bei said. He looked into her eyes.
She thought about kissing him, but pushed him gently away. “Go on,” she said, “before I change my mind.”
Bei gave her a last look and turned away.
Xingjia watched him walk away and closed the door. Leaning against the door she slid down onto the floor, leaning her head against her knees.
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